


6 Months

by myheartisoverseas



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Awesome May Parker (Spider-Man), Dark, Dark Past, Depression, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Friendship/Love, Good Friend Ned Leeds, Growing Up, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Out of Character Michelle Jones, Parent Tony Stark, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Poor Peter Parker, Precious Peter Parker, References to Depression, Sad with a Happy Ending, Therapy, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Lives, Underage Drinking, Worried Ned Leeds, no real self harm, not physical, somewhat dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:53:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22012141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myheartisoverseas/pseuds/myheartisoverseas
Summary: 6 months of Peter's little moments on the way to being happy again. [ON HOLD]
Relationships: May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	1. One Month

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a reflection of some of my own story, of which I am currently struggling with diagnosed depression right now. Many of the problems Peter faces in this story are a reflection of what I have also gone through, but written in the end to be a happy ending. My main purpose of writing this story is to give hope to myself and others that things will always get better. No matter what.

Peter hadn't necessarily felt himself lately. He'd always prided himself on being a positive person, trying to see the best in himself and others, even when that was tough. Peter, since birth, had been a shining light for others even in his own darkest of moments. Maybe that's what was finally catching up to him now?

It had started slow. He was just...a bit more tired after patrols or a bit more content when plans got cancelled. Then, suddenly came his problems with sleeping. He'd be absolutely _exhausted_ , but couldn't sleep no matter how many times he twisted and turned in the sheets. No position felt quite right, always one muscle or the other straining uncomfortably. Once he finally fell asleep, he'd just want to keep sleeping forever. On weekends, he'd sleep until 12 or 1 PM, and on week days sometimes he wouldn't manage to get any sleep at all.

Pushing himself to keep his grades up _and_ put time and effort into patrolling was an uphill battle. Doing even just one of those was difficult, but both was just so overwhelming. He wanted so badly to get out there and be there for people, to be the role model he'd always wanted to be...there was nothing he wanted more. But sometimes his bones felt so tired, and his limbs just didn't want to pull themselves from the safety of his dim lit bedroom.

His grades were slipping on almost all of his classes, as was to be expected when he couldn't seem to pay attention. It wasn't that anything was distracting him, he would just be listening one minute and staring numbly at the dull gray classroom walls the next. He would even repeat the words of the teachers back to himself in his head, trying to keep grasp of even one bit of the information they said, but the words faded from memory as soon as he thought them. He wasn't sure why he always zoned out so much-

"Peter! Are you even listening?" MJ snapped. Peter nearly jumped, reality filtering back in slowly, in chunks one by one. He was at lunch, it was loud, and Michelle had been telling a story about...something. Ned was beside him, chewing slowly as he looked between his two friends.

Peter opened his mouth hesitantly, praying his scattered brain would conjure up the perfect words to say. "Sorry, I just...zoned out. What were you saying?" Peter tried to laugh it off, like he would have used to have been able to. But lately Michelle had been way, way more critical of him.

They'd been dating for 5 months and things had been going great... _had_ been. He wasn't sure when it had changed but somewhere along the way, MJ had stopped playfully making fun of him and just started flat out insulting him like it was nothing. And sure enough, she rolled her eyes, scoffing. "Again?" She laughed, but there was no humor to it. Peter wasn't an idiot, he knew she was patronizing him, and not in a funny way. He just wasn't quite sure why.

"All you do is 'zone out' lately." She did air quotes as she spoke, before slamming her hands back down to the table hard enough to make a few people look over, but not loud enough to cause a scene. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were just rude." She cocked her head to the side, her eyes narrowing as if daring him to challenge her.

Peter winced. "Michelle, um." His eyes darted to Ned, who looked visibly concerned by this. "Can I talk to you alone?" Peter gestured to a fairly empty corner of the cafeteria. MJ raised her eyebrow questioningly, but obeyed and followed him away. "What?" She crossed her arms.

"I just..." Peter trailed off, his hands folded and pressed nervously against his chest. _Tell her idiot,_ his brain fired off. But the words began to feel like acid in his throat as he spoke. "I don't think I'm okay," he breathed out, closing his eyes and feebly trying to trick his brain into believing he was just talking to himself. But of course, as usual, he heard MJ's tell-tale scoff.

"Well duh," she said. "That's obvious." Peter opened his eyes to see her glaring back at him, disgusted disappointment evident in her eyes. "You're...mad?" He murmured, half under his breath. This was exactly what he was afraid of, and exactly what he wanted to avoid by just never, ever talking about himself or his issues. MJ bit her bottom lip, paired with a roll of her eyes and a half smile. "You're funny," she said, sounding far from amused.

Peter just frowned, shifting his feet awkwardly as he waited for her to continue. "You're really funny if you think I wouldn't be mad when my boyfriend is so completely inconsiderate and selfish, that he can't even listen to his own girlfriend talk for 2 minutes, Peter." She held up two fingers in front of his face, getting threateningly close to him as she raised her voice.

His stomach dropped, and he felt his face begin to burn. Was he really that selfish? As his mind waged war against itself, MJ slowly pulled away her fingers. She shook her head slowly, taking a step back. "I'm so disappointed in who you've decided to become," she said. "MJ, please, I'm sorry," Peter began, reaching out to grab her wrist, but missing last second as she turned and walked away from him. A few people from a nearby table were giving him weird looks as he slowly comprehended what had happened and left the lunchroom.

\--------------------------------------

** Tony:  ** **_11:31 AM_ **

Hey, kid! Wanna head over and get some work done on that suit update you were chatting up a storm about a few weeks ago? Haven't seen you in a while.

Peter reread the text a few times, the words slowly jumbling and un-jumbling in his head. It wasn't very often that Tony asked him to come over, and normally Peter would have been beyond ecstatic, but he wasn't feeling very ecstatic at all. His eyes drifted over to his bookbag, leaned against his desk, that he knew for a fact was full of new and overdue homework.

_I could just do it there._

That was true, he always did homework with Tony. Tony would usually help him out, not that he usually needed it, but Tony liked to feel important. It was always his favorite part of going to Tony's- well except Tony himself of course- and he wouldn't want to miss it...right?

_I don't want to do it there._

That was true too. He wanted to sit on the floor, against his food stained bed and stare at the words on his homework pages for hours in peace and quiet. He didn't _want_ to go over. Thinking those words felt so unbelievably wrong in his head that Peter ended up just shutting off his phone without even bothering to reply.

What was wrong with him all the sudden?

\--------------------------------------

"Pete? Get up, I made pancakes," May whispered softly, gently shaking his shoulder. It was the next day, and Peter had been up late last night doing exactly what he had predicted. He had spent the day going around New York and trying to find crimes to stop, but mostly only finding more old ladies who needed help crossing the street and kids who needed help finding their parents.

Very exciting.

The night had been spent flipping through homework, and somehow only managing to do two pages in the span of 4 hours. Then he'd went to bed at 12 AM, but stared at the ceiling until 4 AM. He faintly remembered picking up his phone at around 3:30 and typing out a text to Ned.

**Peter** **: 3:37 AM**

I wish I had something that made it so I wasn't so alone right now instead of sticky hands and stuff

But he wasn't sure if he remembered what he'd said or not. It was probably something either very stupid or very sad, as that seemed to be the only things his sleep deprived brain could think of at that time of night. "What time is it?" Peter whispered back, stretching slowly. "It's...10 AM," May replied, her voice still low as she glanced at Peter's alarm clock. Peter buried his face back into his pillow, shutting his eyes tight against the golden sunlight pooling into the room.

"I'm not very hungry, but thanks, May," He murmured, his voice trailing off as he began to fall asleep again. May sighed, pulling away from his bed with her hands on her hips. This wasn't exactly the first time he'd refused food in the past couple weeks. "They're not too burnt or anything, I think you'd like them," she hummed in her usual persuasion tone. "Give em' a try! Come on!" She dragged out the last word, smiling even though there was no one to see her do it, just for the sake of it.

Peter shook his head, his eyes half open. "No thank you," He said again, his voice harder this time. He wasn't trying to be mean about it, he just really wanted her to get the point...and she did. Her smile dropped, her eyes looking down at the floor as she slowly and quietly left the room. She shut the door gently to make sure she didn't make too loud of a sound. Just as she was about to give Tony a call and ask him if he knew what was going on with _her_ nephew, her phone buzzed...but it wasn't who she expected.

\--------------------------------------

"Peter," Tony greeted quietly as the boy entered the living room cautiously. May and Tony were sat on the couch, side by side, which was far closer of a proximity than May usually allowed for Tony to be around her since they didn't exactly...get along. "Um...hey?" Peter's voice cracked slightly on the last word, but he cleared his throat and tried to ignore it as if it never happened.

Tony and May looked at each other, then back at him. "Ned texted me this morning, and said some things that I really agree with," May began with Tony nodding along. "You've been off lately, sweetie. You're not eating much, not talking much. Ned says that you zone off a lot." May smiled sadly, her eyes tearful.

"If something is going on, honey, I need you to tell me. If you're involved in something...just please tell us," She choked out, cutting herself off with a sniffle. Tony kept his composure, putting one hand comfortingly on May's shoulder as he looked Peter in the eyes. "Look, kid. Your grades are low, you've been ignoring my texts, and being kinda a brat honestly," Tony said bluntly. Peter frowned, but Tony continued before he could defend himself. "We're all just... _worried_ about you."

That was what caught Peter off guard. He'd figured that maybe somewhere along the way, someone would notice what he was going through and be concerned but he never expected it to be them. While his mind would often try to tell him no one cared about him, the logical side of his brain knew that couldn't be true. He had friends, he had May, and he was at least 50% sure Tony cared at least a little. MJ was...MJ, but hopefully some part of her cared, right?

"Um..." Peter murmured, taking a deep breath. "I've been sad lately? I mean, not just sad," He began anxiously, running a hand through his hair as he attempted to stay calm. "But like tired and...empty in a way? I feel numb a lot more than I actually feel _sad_. It's kind of confusing and I don't really know what it is." He began to ramble, and May and Tony stayed attentively silent as he did.

"I really _wanted_ to tell somebody because I absolutely hate being alone, especially when I feel down or anything like that but. I'm supposed to be strong, you know. Like Spiderman is. Because Peter Parker is...a nerd, and a weakling, and a loser, and everything that Spiderman isn't. But I...want to be like that. I want to be brave and be able to do things all on my own and fight my own problems," He growled, feeling the frustration of not understanding his own feelings. "But I can't do it. I'll always be this weak little loser and I...I just...I can't do this."

Peter bit the inside of his cheek hard, trying to push down the tears building in his eyes, but a few broke free anyway. "Oh, baby, you're not weak. You're going through so much stress and you're just feeling alone. Nobody can go through everything alone, nobody can," May assured him lovingly. Her eyes were still watery but she had gained back much of her previously lost composure. "Thank you so much for opening up to us, I know it was hard."

She rose from her seat to pull Peter into a tight embrace, feeling his warm tears soaking into her shoulder. Tony felt horribly out of place in the family moment, but spoke up anyway since...well, god damn it, he knew what this was. "Kid, I've been there, you know that?" Tony asked, and Peter lifted his puffy face up to look at him. "What? But you're Iron Man, you're you."

Tony laughed, rolling his eyes. "Anyone can go through this, kid. It sounds to me like you have...depression. I really wish I'd seen this all sooner, and don't get me wrong I'm not a doctor, but that's what it seems like to me and I've had it to. But kid, you're not alone in it," Tony's voice suddenly grew serious as he looked Peter directly in the eyes. "You have so many people who love you, and who will support you. You _are_ Spiderman, and you are just as strong and brave. You just need some help."

May looked at Tony hopefully, smiling tearfully. "And you can help, right?"

Tony smiled back at her, then at Peter. "I know a lady who helped me, and I think she could help you too. She's a licensed therapist, and I know that sounds scary," Tony said, judging by the look of surprise that had flashed on Peter's face. "But they're there to listen to you, and to help you, free of judgement. You're not there to be looked down upon. That took me a while to figure out but...they're just there to be there for you, Peter," He said, his voice full of hope. "If you'll let them."

Peter slowly nodded, swallowing hard.

"Yeah...okay..."


	2. 2nd Month

Peter sits across from Ms. Thern, feeling as if he was suddenly thrust very far into the deep end. She was friendly enough, based on what he'd heard from her conversation with May, and she had a nice smile. She seemed young, maybe about 25 or 26, with blond hair just down to her shoulders. She somewhat reminded Peter of a preschool teacher just by her tone of voice, but he tried to brush _that_ little detail off.

"Hello, Peter, I'm Ms. Thern. But you can call me Katelyn if that's easier for you, I really don't mind breaking that sort of protocol." She smiled, her slightly tinted teeth shining to the world. Peter couldn't manage to keep his eyes set on her no matter how hard he tried, feeling far more focused on the burning anxiety that had caused his cheeks to brighten in color.

He stared down at his hands, trapping his left forefinger between his right thumb and forefinger and squeezing to distract his mind. Ms. Thern took his silence in stride and continued on with her same smile. "Our first session will just be us getting to know each other, alright? I'm going to ask you some questions, feel free to refuse to answer any of them, or ask me anything anytime."

Peter nodded absentmindedly, his mind elsewhere. He didn't want to be rude to her, but it just felt so much easier not to be present in this moment. Peter had always been a bit awkward, but being in a situation where he knew he was being evaluated- whether obviously or not- just made it all worse.

She opens her laptop, typing in something that Peter desperately wants to see, wondering if it might be something about him. He leans his head slightly to the side, trying to catch a glimpse from around the side of the screen. Ms. Thern catches his eye and he startles, looking down at his feet instantly. She chuckles softly, removing her hands from the keyboard to clasp them in her lap. "I was just putting in my password to get the questions," She explained.

Peter lifts his head up slowly, half a smile pulling at his lips. "So," Ms. Thern begins, looking back over at the question list. "Would you like to tell me what you think brings you here? Do you know?"

Peter inhales sharply, frowning as he thought about the best way to respond. "I guess um...Mr. Stark thinks I might have...depression," Peter said. The words took their sweet time coming out of his mouth, not so much because he didn't know what to say but because he wasn't sure he wanted to. Something about the whole medical setting and medical _diagnosis_ freaked him out a bit.

She nodded, typing in a few words before turning back to him. "But what do _you_ think, Peter?"

The boy frowned. "What do you mean? Like, what do I think, what do you mean?" He asked, punctuating with a nervous laugh. She shrugged, clapping her hands together. "Do you think that you have depression?"

Now that stopped his mind in it's tracks. Did he? He didn't know too much about the subject, all he'd really learned was from health class and movies. But he supposed he...might? "I mean...maybe?" He replied hesitantly. "I'm not sure. I guess I'm like...sad. Or something. I don't really know. Ugh. Just. Maybe." As he spoke, Peter crossed his arms across his chest, pulling in tightly and protectively.

Ms. Thern nodded along, typing. "Have you seen a counselor before?" She asked, turning her attention back to him. "No."

The evening went along somewhat like this, with a few basic questions about how he was feeling, what he wanted to come from counseling, his family life, blah blah blah. But there was one question...the very last one of the night, that kept Peter thinking longer.

"Are you happy, Peter?"

He paused, the previously gained comfort slowly seeping away from him. "Huh? Like right now?" He gestured to the room around him. Ms. Thern hesitated before shaking her head. "No. I mean, are you happy with your life? Are you content? Satisfied?"

He thought for a moment, his eyes planted firmly on a painting on the wall as he did so. Was he happy? He figured he should be. He had Ned, the best friend he could ever ask for. He had a girlfriend. He had an amazing, badass aunt who cared about him. He knew _Tony Stark._ He was Spiderman, for God's sake.

His first instinct was to say yes. He had as much as he could ever ask for and more. But...he wasn't happy, was he? He was sure that he used to be...but lately, remembering how that felt was getting more and more difficult. He would have these little spouts of happiness, but nothing that was ever quite like he remembered it.

As much as the memories were slipping away, there was one way he could think to describe them. Warm. He would feel warm, and safe, and protected and...okay. That was what real happiness was. He longed for it now...but he wasn't sure he'd ever really feel it again.

He looked up to meet her eyes, and saw she was waiting patiently for him to respond. "No," He whispered, shaking his head. She nodded, maintaining her gaze. "You will be. We'll get you there, together."

Peter hoped she was right.

\------------------------------------

**Michelle:** **7:39 PM**

Hey! Do you want to go on a date or something tonight? We could just go grab a sandwich or something, nothing special. I know you don't have money for that stuff..

**Peter: 7:41 PM**

Hey, MJ...sorry but I'm super swamped rn. I have a lot of homework and I just got back from doing...something, so I'm just tired and busy. Another night, I promise <3

**Michelle:** **7:41 PM**

Of course, not surprised. If you're too busy for me, maybe you shouldn't have me. You're so inconsiderate. Worst guy ever.

**Michelle:** **7:43 PM**

Peter, answer your phone when I'm talking to you.

**Michelle:** **7:44 PM**

Fine, just ignore your girlfriend then. Fuck you.

Peter glanced over at the notification bar, reading over the messages and feeling his heart sting with each one.

 _Fine,_ he thought, _I will ignore you then._

He shut his phone off, turning back to his work and trying to regain his focus. But as time went on, it grew harder and harder to pay attention, the heavy burden of knowing she was angry with him was getting to be too much and he soon reached for his phone, grabbing it and typing in his passcode as fast as possible.

**Peter:** **7:52 PM**

I'm so sorry, MJ...Please answer? I promise I'll make it up to you soon.

**Read: 7:53 PM**

\------------------------------------

It was around 3 AM or so, and Peter clicked on Ned's contact and pressed call. He wasn't really expecting an answer, since nobody he knew was up at this unreasonable hour most of the time. He was surprised when Ned picked up on the third ring.

"Peter?"

He froze, a bit shocked. "Oh, uh, hey. I didn't expect you to answer. I didn't wake you up, right?" Peter asked nervously, sitting up in his bed. Ned hummed under his breath. "You did but-" Ned began, but Peter was already apologizing furiously. "Dude, I'm so sorry- I'll go right now, go back to sleep. I'm sorry-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Stay. It's fine, man. What's up?" Ned asked, ending his sentence with a loud, most likely exaggerated yawn. Peter sighed in defeat, shrugging even though no one could see him. "Just bored I guess. I'm always alone this time of night." Peter glanced over at his alarm clock.

"I just nodded but realized you couldn't see me, I'm slow in the head," Ned confessed, laugh-wheezing. Peter laughed along, throwing one hand up in the air. "We all are a little bit." Peter's mind began to wander, looking around the room in boredom. Ned cleared his throat, starting an awkward silence.

"Hey, Peter, um...Why are you always up so late anyway?" Ned asked. He seemed hesitant, probably not wanting to intrude. "Um..." Peter began, tapping his finger against his phone case. "I guess my mind goes a little crazy this time of night. Well, all of the time, actually but...especially this time."

Ned didn't speak for a few seconds, deep in thought. "You can always tell me if something's on your mind, dude. You're never gonna like...annoy me or some crap. I'm your best friend, you know?" Ned said sincerely, his words so unknowingly sweet that Peter nearly teared up. Instead, he just smiled widely.

"Thank you, Ned."

"Of course."

Neither boys spoke, sitting in comfortable silence. A thought suddenly hit Peter. "Do you think MJ hates me?"

Ned nearly choked on his spit, caught off guard. "No, I don't think she _hates_ you," Ned replied. There was something off about his tone, and Peter frowned. "But you think something about her," Peter said matter-of-factly. Ned sighed, rolling over noisily in bed. "Yeah, I guess so."

Peter waited, a mixture of patient and anxious. Ned gathered his thoughts and inhaled. "I think she's really rude sometimes, man. I think you're too nice to her when she just walks all over you. I'm sorry- I don't wanna upset you, but that's just what I think."

Peter let the words process in his mind, turning them over and over in his brain as he tried to force himself to understand. He began to realize there might be...at least _some_ truth in those words. He immediately cursed himself for thinking it. MJ was his girlfriend, she'd been there for him a thousand times. She was an amazing person!

...right?

Or was that just how she used to be?

A ferocious sense of loyalty burned in his chest, telling him to defend her. But one part of him told him that Ned was right... All Michelle did lately was make him feel like garbage, like he didn't even matter at all. How could that be worth defending?

He just decided to brush it off, forcing a laugh. "Whatever you say, man."

\------------------------------------

Peter startled, hearing a knock on his door at 5 in the morning. That wasn't exactly...normal. Especially in a shitty old apartment.

He cautiously walked over the door, looking through to see who was there. Upon seeing no one, he frowned and pulled back, opening the door.

He looked both ways, seeing nobody, before looking down and noticing a takeout box with a brown paper note taped to the front of the box. He lifted it up, squinting to read the very untidy handwriting.

_For Peter_

_The strongest fighter I know_

_\- Tony_

Peter smiled despite the cheesiness. His heart felt warm.

Maybe not quite as warm as it could be...but warm nonetheless. For now, that would be enough. 


End file.
